Carth's Patience
by Cable Fraga
Summary: Revised. Post KOTOR II Carth has finally resolved to retire and live out the rest of his life in solitude. But as we all know, the best laid plans...


08/27/06 – Did a complete rewrite. The story was yelling at me to be revised… so I did… anyway… that may be why some of the comments previous to this date may not make any sense.

Thanks for reading! Please leave a review if you have a moment! Constructive Criticism is always welcomed. It's so welcomed, that I'll capitalize both Constructive and Criticism... twice even!

**swswsw **

"It was good getting to know you, sir," the Zabrak flying the transport shuttled said to the aging admiral as he departed the ship.

"Thank you, Bao-Dur. The feeling is mutual," Admiral Onasi stood absently brushing off his uniform.

"I will see you around. If you need anything, please let me know," Bao-Dur pushed the controls opening the hatch.

"Thanks again," The tired admiral grabbed his suitcase and ambled out of the shuttle.

Telos was healing, and so was the admiral. He took an appreciative glance at the sky filled with brilliant colors as the sun sets. He gazed at it a little longer than normal. He was making note of the things that he could count on. The sun rises, the sun sets, that was its pattern.

He walked towards what was now his new home. It was humble. He liked it that way. He hoped he could retire in peace. He has had his fill of battle, adventure, and excitement. He was ready to rest. He could have his pick of mansions or other higher living establishments, but at this point of his life, the less surprises the better, the less to manage the better.

He walked into the house tentatively. He had one of his female co-workers decorate and furnish the house. He couldn't have cared less if the walls were white and the rooms were filled with cots. His builders gave him curious looks when he informed them of that fact, so he found a person willing to decorate in his preferred low-key fashion.

It was good. It really wasn't home, though. He looked around and saw several pictures of scenery, flowers, and other artistic objects. He stopped when he saw an old picture of his family. He picked up the photo, old fashioned to the current holographic photo technology of the day, but he appreciated it this way. He was curious how they were to locate it. He had almost forgotten what his wife looked like. He slid his fingers down the frame. Dustil was so young, so innocent, so protected.

_Those days are long gone_, _Onasi_, he shook his head placing the frame back on the wall. He made his way to the bedroom, where he put up the rest of his belongings and changed out of his uniform for the last time. He hung the uniform in his closet, absently using his hands to press out the non-existent wrinkles.

He was ready for this stage of his life. He welcomed boredom at this point. No more blaster fire, no more run ins with the Jedi Council or Mandalorians, no more salutes, dress uniforms, political red tape, he was ready to take it easy. The door of the closet hissed shut.

The following week, Carth settled into his routine. He made calls to his son, letting him know where he was now. He found himself reading bound books, avoiding the holovids as it tended to just be too loud. He was comfortable. He at least convinced himself he was comfortable. He looked up at the portrait of his family. He felt a loss. He's seen losses. The problem with silence is that it gives you too much time to think.

He wondered where she was now. Had she completed her mission? What was her mission? Why couldn't she have told him something… anything for that matter?

"That's what I get for trusting so easily," he grumbled and then chuckled. Trust was a huge issue for him and his son. She didn't really betray his trust. She didn't turn on him. But he took a leap of faith on her… perhaps too big. Even after knowing her past, he was enthralled.

She was strong and tough. She stood her ground, she got into his head and befuddled him so. Carth rubbed his forehead absently.

_She's gone, though. It's been ten years. Ten long years. She's gone and she is not coming back._ The admiral just couldn't get used to the paper pushing side of the military. His reflexes were not up to par, perhaps from lack of use. He decided he'd rather live out his life alone on his reconstructing home planet. It was better than the political crap he had to deal with on a day-to-day basis.

The Zabrak would check on him. Sometimes for lunch, sometimes for a chat, but Bao-Dur respected Carth's desire to be alone.

Carth settled down on his couch, flipping through an entertainment datapad. It didn't report on anything all that interesting, but it kept his mind from dwelling on ancient history.

_Heh, that's what you are Carth, ancient_. He rolled his eyes. Thunder rumbled from the outside._ The Ithorians have done amazing work. I had almost forgotten what a thunderstorm was like_.

He listened as the rain drizzled against his window. It was nothing remarkable, but it was calming.

A loud rap came from his door.

Carth paused. He looked at the door mildly puzzled. He knew what the knock meant, but thought it was unusual to hear it, here of all places… now of all times.

He peered through the window and saw Bao Dur accompanied by another male, who looked like he was carrying something or _someone_.

He paused before opening the door, mentally preparing himself for yet another of life's unexpected surprises.

He recognized the man, the Jedi, the exile Shaen, as he was famously known. He looked at the form in Shaen's arms and his heart skipped several beats.

"What are…" he started excitedly. He really hates surprises.

"Can we come in?" the exile asked calmly.

"Of course," Carth moved allowing the party to enter. "Is she?" he started to ask.

"Alive, yes. But barely, Admiral," Bao-Dur answered.

"Here take her to my room," he led them further in.

"Bao Dur, what's going on?" he asked while Shaen laid the woman on Carth's bed.

"It looks like the general has found a certain missing friend of yours," Bao Dur offered gently.

The exile removed her wet outer robes. His fingers brushed her cheek gently. "She's hurt."

"I can see that, how?" Carth called upon all he had to keep his voice low and steady.

"She's sustained injuries from a surprise attack on our way back to Telos," Shaen explained

"Attack? The Sith?" Anger and rage surged into Carth, a feeling he knew all to well. He tried several times to quell it, trying to keep a cool head, but the raw emotion won out.

"The Sith." Shaen nodded.

Carth tightened his hands into fists.

"These Sith are more than what you have ever faced, Admiral," the exile explained calmly. "Their being is dark. They hunger and thirst for power. We were coming back to confirm suspicions and to warn the council, if there was one, and the Republic of their threat. And then maybe come up with a plan," he shook his head. "They detected us. It is a very long story, Admiral."

He brushed the hair away from her face and then folded his hands in a very jedi-like manner, "Revan wouldn't stop at a med lab or a Kolto tank. I did the best that I could." His kind eyes met up with Carth's, "she wouldn't stop until she saw you."

"This is insane! What does she expect me to do?"

"It was her wishes," the exile explained.

"She's insane," Carth's eyes widened.

"I am not going to argue with you on that one," he confirmed.

A moan emitted from the woman and she turned her head to the side. Carth studied her. She was ten years older, like he was. But she was different, thinner, and perhaps weaker. He felt his heart go out to her, wanting to fix everything, wanting to take away the pain, but he knew she was strong. She'd pull through, but she had to do it on her terms. He found the rage quelling and a small smile crept across his lips. Those were some of the qualities he found most attractive in her.

"I have recovered a medical droid. It can help you with her care for a while," Bao Dur said softly.

"A while? Now wait a minute…"

"I have some… loose ends that I need to deal with," the exile said after some thought. "I will check in later, but could you please take care of her? She needs the time to heal fully. She kept on getting injury after injury, and not having time to rest. Also, it's important that she is hidden, at least for a time. I know you are enjoying your privacy and quiet…"

"I will make sure she recovers," he replied dutifully.

The exile smiled warmly, "Thanks again, Admiral Onasi. I apologize for not being able to stay and get to know you better. She has… told me stories."

Carth coughed, "oh really?"

The exile placed a reassuring hand on Carth's shoulder and left the room. Bao Dur powered up the droid, and it hovered over her.

"I, too, need to go, Admiral," Bao Dur nodded at Carth.

"Bao-Dur, I have the feeling that I'm being left out of the loop," Carth said wearily.

"There is nothing new under the sun, Admiral, just the players keep changing. If this arrangement is a problem," Bao-Dur offered.

Carth rubbed the bridge of his nose, "I think I understand. Please keep me informed… as long as it's safe."

"Yes, Admiral," Bao-Dur nodded.

"Sure, thanks for, uhm, the droid," Carth felt his mind numbing over with shock.

**swswsw**

The gentlemen left, leaving a very confused Carth to stare upon his love from long ago. He was almost afraid to touch her. She slept peacefully. The droid didn't have voice protocol, so it remained silent except for a slight hum of its internal machinery.

As soon as he lets his guard down, his reflexes lax, _she_ would drop in on his doorstep with an adventure in tow. He was annoyed, but he couldn't bring himself to be angry with her, _yet_.

He pulled a chair up next to the bed, finally summing up the courage to clasp her hand. She responded to his touch with a slight squeeze. He watched her chest move while she breathed, her eyes shut. Even unconscious, she had a delicate sense about her.

He smirked. Mara or Revan was not delicate, especially when she disagreed with him. She would practically spit fire at him. He studied her features. The emotions he felt ten years came back, gently at first, and then he felt his heart consumed with anxiety, fear, lust, and love. Ten years had passed, and he still felt weak at the sight of this woman.

He fell asleep on the chair, still holding her hand. He woke up in spurts, seeing that the droid was doing its job and she was sleeping calmly.

His body suddenly jolted awake. He looked at her as she blinked her eyes. She pulled her arms and hands in to rub her eyes. She looked at the ceiling and around her. She struggled to sit up much to her body's protest. She locked eyes with Carth.

She smiled weakly.

Carth's heart went out to her, but he forced himself to remain cautious. "Good morning."

"Carth," she said weakly. "I had to see you. I've missed you, so much."

Carth felt his defenses melting, "I've missed you, too."

She reached out for his hand and squeezed. "Where am I?"

"My house," he smiled.

"Your house?"

"I've retired, Mara," he explained, "When I finally climbed out of the pile of paperwork they called 'my job,' I left. Didn't see the point, anymore."

She nodded in acknowledgement. "I didn't think your house would be so… decorated," she fumbled for words.

"Alright, if you say so. Look, I'm guessing you are probably hungry. Let me get you something to eat," He stood rigidly. His head was cloudy with emotions. He needed to escape to sort them out.

She nodded simply.

"The refresher is through there," he pointed. "Uhm…" he thought aloud looking around. "You can probably grab something to wear from one of those crates," he pointed to some unpacked containers along the wall.

"Thanks," she looked hurt.

He paused processing the rush of feelings and thoughts. He wanted to tell her everything was all right, that they could just pick up the pieces from where they left off, but he remembered those long nights after she'd gone, not knowing whether she were alive or dead. He nodded simply and left her alone.

**swswsw**

"I hope you like eggs," he heard her walk in.

"Yes, fine," she walked carefully into the living area.

"Good, because there's a reason why I wasn't allowed behind the counters at the galley," he attempted a joke to lighten the mood.

Carth appeared around the corner with drinks and plates balanced on his arms.

"You could have made two trips," she smiled up at him. Even though her face was pale, she still held that twinkle in her eye, albeit somewhat dimmer than what he remembered.

"Ah, don't start that up," he placed her plate in front of her and paused looking at the clothes she chose, his breath catching in his throat.

Mara met his eyes, "what? What is it?"

"Your outfit," he paused and then shook her head.

Mara looked down. She found a cotton white tunic with blue embroidery along the collar. She paired that with dark blue leggings. She held onto the collar, "I'm sorry, I saw this and just…"

"No, it's okay," Carth said calmly. "It's one of my wife's favorites. It was probably in that crate of things I salvaged from…" _Morgana. _ "It's okay," he assured her.

She looked down at her eggs and took a few bites, "not bad, soldier."

Carth nodded. He focused on choking down each bite, trying hard not to stare at the woman… the woman he _would've_ given it all away for, wearing the clothes of another woman he _should've_ given it all away for.

She motioned to the portrait on the wall, "is that your wife?"

Carth turned to look, even though he knew exactly where she pointed. "Yeah," he breathed.

"What was she like?"

The question hung in the air while Carth looked down at his plate, avoiding her eyes.

He cleared his throat. "She was a lot like you," he mumbled. He put down his fork and looked off into space thoughtfully. "She was an excellent military wife. She never complained. She took care of the household. She was the constant in my life. Whenever I had to deal with rough patches, she kept me together. Sometimes I just needed to hear her voice.

"I wasn't a very good military husband. I had finished my time. We were happy, but then the troubles with the Mandalorians started, and well, you know," he nodded. "I failed her," he resolved.

"Carth," Revan started.

"Don't. I've found peace since then," Carth looked back up at her.

Revan nodded slowly her eyes drifting away from his.

"So, you going to tell me what happened out there?" Carth felt the courage to confront her, "How you disappeared for 10 years without a word or a trace and then show up on my doorstep, sporting some serious wounds?" Carth asked.

"You certainly don't waste time," Revan started.

"Ten years."

"I know, and I am deeply sorry. I can't express… I am sorry," she looked down. "There's a lot of evil out there, Carth. I did what I could, but…" she licked her lips. "I've made mistakes, Carth. I wanted to take you with me. At least then…" she trailed off. "Knowing you were alive kept me going. Knowing you were safe, here near your home, made me overcome obstacles that no one should ever have to face. I missed you every single day."

"No communication, I had no idea if you were alive or dead," Carth rattled off.

"If I contacted you, I gave up my position, and linked them straight to you. Do you realize they would use you against met?" She sighed.

"You should have let me worry about that. You know I'm capable," Carth stood sharply from the table, dropping his utensils on the ground. The clang of the metal hitting the ground punctuated his argument. He turned away from her absently rubbing his neck.

"Yes, Carth, I know you are. I also know that I could find you when I need you."

"So, you need me now?" he asked suspiciously.

"Yes, we… I need you."

"I've retired," he answered resolutely.

"I know," she answered simply.

"You have the wrong man," he picked up his dishes and took them to the next room.

"Carth, stop. I know you are angry. You are such a stubborn man," she walked after him muttering.

"I'm stubborn?" he spun to face her.

She gulped. Her forehead wrinkled with concern, "yes."

"Mara, you are the epitome of stubborn," he pointed with his forefinger at her. "If you think that after stringing me along for ten years…" he sighed and dropped his hand.

"Carth," she whispered. Her eyes looked around the room and grabbed the edge of a counter for balance, "Carth, why is the room moving?" She looked deathly pale.

"Hold it," he panicked grabbing for her shoulder as she slumped down. "Are you okay?" _Not the most brilliant question, Onasi…_

She shook her head, "I'm sorry, just feeling a little weak."

"Okay, then take it easy. Let's get you back into bed," he urged wrapping his arm around her back.

"Uhm, yeah," she breathed leaning into Carth.

Alarms went off in his head. She was so much lighter than he remembered. He gently helped her into the bed and wiped the little beads of sweat on her head. "What happened?"

"Just hurt bad," she replied meekly. "Please, don't leave."

He would've kicked himself in his own rear if he could. Here she was, weak, lost, needing his help, and he verbally attacks her. _Of all the times to be completely un-heroic and selfish._ "No, I'll be here." She was a comrade, a bunkmate, a friend… he may have been a lousy husband, an ungrateful lover, but he was a good soldier for so many years. His duty doesn't end when his uniform has been hung up. "Always," he said reassuringly.

"Good," she closed her eyes, "I trust you."

**swswsw **

"Good morning," Carth said energetically.

"Good morning," She groggily answered him. "What is that?" She pointed tentatively at a cup Carth held out to her.

"Home grown, Republic Soldier energy drink," he winked as he handed it to her. "Drink up."

She accepted it reluctantly and sniffed the drink. She wrinkled her face, "I don't think…"

A smile lit up Carth's face, he recalled having a similar reaction when he was on the receiving end of the drink. "That drink is given to all the boots to help build their energy to handle the training. Tastes like ass, but nothing boosts the system better."

Mara held her nose and sipped down the liquid. "Oh, that's… that's… Words can't describe…"

"Nasty, yes. But I think you came to me for help, and one thing is for sure, you are very weak. You've lost a lot of muscle too. Have you been injured for long?"

Mara nodded, "it started out as just a bad thigh to the side injury," she motioned to her right side. "It turns out there was some crazy poison involved." She shuddered. "If it wasn't for Shaen, uh, the exile, I wouldn't be here, in such good of state that I am in."

Carth nodded, "understood. We need to work you back as best we can. I don't think you will ever be at the same capacity as before."

"I know," she handed Carth back the mug. She pushed herself to the edge of the bed. "So, what's first, Admiral?"

"How about some walking? And, uh… take it easy on the 'Admiral' bit," Carth winced.

Mara chuckled, "I imagined you weren't too pleased with the promotion."

"Are you kidding me? I commanded my own fleet," he thought he sounded convincing… at least most everybody else bought it… but then Mara wasn't like everyone else.

"Did you get to pilot your own ship?"

Carth paused. _She knew. She knew all along_. He sighed, "Uh,… no." He glanced at her sideways, "You know me too well. Now let's get going."

**swswsw **

It seemed to Carth that building Mara back to her original strength was like renewing himself. He had energy that he hadn't had felt for years. He worked with her, usually only lasting slightly longer than she could.

Even though her progress was remarkable, her strength came back frustratingly slow for her. Perhaps that's why even though she looked as if she were to collapse, he pushed her a little further. She gave him playful murderous looks; at least he was fairly certain they were playful.

Her eyes were shining again, the way he remembered her. Her annoying optimism was returning. Her playful behavior was revealed when she feigned an injury just to get an upper hand on a race back to his home.

His home. It was home. She made it home.

Carth found himself smiling more and more. She was what he woke up for each day. As much as he denied the feelings, he found himself happy. He was in love, again. In fact, he was always in love.

He was excited, scared, but calm. He couldn't spend enough time with her. Some nights they would talk late, until she fell asleep. He watched her sleep, capturing these moments to savor forever.

One night, after a particularly arduous day, he subconsciously wrapped his arm around her, pulling her against him, smelling her, feeling her, adoring her. He found himself kissing her sleeping forehead lightly. He jerked back. Could he just do that? There was so much that went on between them.

He glanced back at the image of his precious Morgana, the perfect wife, beautiful and passionate. She waited for him, and he was eternally indebted to her because of it. She loved him because he was honorable and served his duty to his superiors, his army, and the people they were to protect. She was proud of him. She often remarked as much when she kissed him away to his duty.

_Duty._

This woman, in his arms, holds the galaxy in her hands. She took it upon herself the duty of protecting the worlds and all the people of those worlds to atone for her sins. She devoted herself to the duty.

"I'm an idiot," he remarked aloud. _If I had seen the very soul of evil, when I could I would run as fast as I could to the most reliable, stable, the only thing that keeps her together, my wife. Did she just run to me? Am I to her as Morgana was faithfully to me? I'm such an ungrateful suspicious mutt of a man._

Mara stirred slightly in her sleep, "hmm?"

"I will always be here for you, Mara. As long as I live you can always come back… come _home_ to me," he said gently.

Her eyes fluttered open. "Carth, I… I," she stammered.

"I understand, beautiful," he pressed his lips gently against hers.


End file.
